Before watching this video, there are a few things I want to talk about:
First and foremost, I need to thank my friend, Lauren, the super-fucking-hero bad-ass mom you’re about to witness in this video. And for the fact that she’s been so persistent with me and kind enough to share her story, this story. I’d normally refrain from publicly putting something out this personal without the approval of the person/people involved, absolutely. So, please know this is shared with love from all parties here.
When she asked me to document her baby’s birth, knowing I’d never been a part of a birthing before (other than my own), it made me super nervous. I did NOT know what to expect. I just knew it could (and would) get messy, and a bit vulnerable. […I just had a flashback of minute 6 when I was pushing Drew out of my body. Pure shudders, honestly. The pain.]
I just knew there was going to be a lot on the table.
But knowing me, I love a good step out of the old comfort zone, as many artists do. The minute I arrived to their home, I charged upstairs and pulled my camera out. I felt so much already that I knew would be so important to document. It’s the little things, truly. I believe my work stems from just that: the little stuff. (I had already been to their home several times before, so I felt I knew the place well enough to document its importance’s without interrupting.)
This video is a whopping almost 8 minutes long, but I can assure you, this footage was documented over a 9-hour period in one day. A relatively “quick” day to the Doula’s. It was long, it was hot, it was cold, it was sticky and stinky, dark and crowded. The energy was everywhere, as it should be. I mean, Mother Nature is taking course now. No holding back.
Anyway, to the point: Lauren’s a bad-ass. Mother’s are badass. Period. You’re all badass. Really.
Second, I am beyond humbled and forever grateful to have been invited in on such an occasion that only are meant for the closest people to you. I was no where near that to Lauren and Chad, but I was invited in regardless. My agenda went on the shelf, I opened my eyes, ears and heart and let myself create something real. This idea of documenting something “real” got me so inspired and I ran with it that day. I did not hold back. It was hard. I cried with Lauren, for her, for Chad, for their first son who just so badly wanted to be with his momma– in the tub. Bless his heart. It was just such a humbling experience and I’m just forever blessed to have dear friends trust me with such a special and vulnerable time.
Funny story–Lauren actually told me, after everything was done and over, that she almost asked me to leave. She said she was embarrassed and didn’t think she’d feel the pain she felt and didn’t know how she would feel with me there. All-in-all, she didn’t kick my ass out. And again, thank. God. She was glad she didn’t either. I mean, this birthing happened in November, and we still text flurry over it every several weeks.
Third, any woman who’s considering delivering your child into this world from your home, or to at least have it be documented, I highly, highly recommend it. I’ll just say this: I wish I did it for my two boys. At the amount of times I’ve watched this video, in tears, sincerely relishing in the emotions, I just wish I had something to look back on and remind myself of how I, too, was this strong. I always thought I’d remember certain things of my birthings and thinking about it now, in this moment, I can’t even remember the times my babes were born at. I’m utterly disgusted with myself and I need to go hold them while their sleeping to rid of this mom guilt. But at the same time, I did just push a human out of my body. I was low on sleep and didn’t eat much prior to the pushing-of-the-baby-out. That’s where the “mom-brain” gets triggered. Anyway, you get the point. Document this. For you. For that child. For you. For you. For you. Let that be enough.
I really hope you enjoy this video/photo movie and I hope it empowers you.
Thank you for watching. Thank you for supporting.